Meet Amy. Yesterday, her refrigerator shelves were disgusting. They had dried barbecue sauce on them, something clear and sticky had leaked and then dried in the back, they had the imprint of countless milk cartons and half-emptied cans. The produce drawers were filled with bits and pieces (juices) of wasted and rotted produce. Disgusting. But today...today Amy tackled it and spent an hour scrubbing, tossing and organizing her refrigerator. This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible. But today, after she finished with the fridge project she put them in her car and drove them to Goodwill. Now she's the kind of person who donates to charity, whose dining room is strictly used for dining, and plays classical music for no reason. She is slightly disgusted by those people who drive around with bags of donated clothing for months on end. She's relieved she's not like them.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
