Pebbles is a black, shiny shagreen clutch - and here's how that happened. Pebbles was on vacation in Clearwater and having the time of her life! First she and the girls went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Tampa - an electric blue hurricane in a collectible glass?? Yes please! They each bought new sunglasses and visors in the souvenir shops, played some putt putt at Smuggler's Cove Adventure Golf, and relaxed on the beach under the $25 umbrella they bought at Walmart that blew away with each gust of wind (you should have seen
Rooney is constantly grooming herself which can seem very self-absorbed but then you look at her and she's so damn cute, and she just loves you so much you'll forgive her anything. Even the fact that she pukes...a lot. You've tried to explore whether or not she has a problem but you've basically just decided it's something you have to live with. Your husband also hates her, and basically refuses to acknowledge her but he'll never understand your bond. You love her in spite of the fact that she always wants to sit directly on your keyboard - how has it not broken yet?
Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking Virginia Slims, and is vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be "tragic deaths" in order
Meet Donatella. Her family owns the Gucci empire and she's not subtle about it. Well...by her "family" it's really a second cousin once-removed by marriage on her step-mother's side. And Donatella lives in Columbia. South Carolina. Also her real name is Emily but she insists Donatella is a family name. That does not stop her from establishing her questionable lineage in the most public and sensational ways possible, all over town!
Meet Ellen. She moved out to L.A. back when she was 20 (longer ago than she admits to in interviews). When she arrived she was starry-eyed and STD-free. She lived in some shabby apartment building with a bunch of other up-and-comers that you've now heard of. She took improv classes, she waited tables, she slept with bartenders and casting agents.
Meet Lauren. She’s a mom. Lauren has been there for her children every step of the way. There was that time her 2 year old got into his poopy diaper at quiet time and played in it for 30 minutes before he was discovered- poop was in every crevice in that room. Or how about the absolute agony she endured pushing her
She just dragged the groom out onto the dance floor and tried to twerk in front of him. She heckled the single ladies gathered to catch the bouquet (something along the lines of “IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!”) and just asked the mother of the bride for a cigarette. 😬
The four of them will don their masks tonight and make their way to Chili’s for bottomless wings and margaritas. They’ll sit in the bar area because HOTMAMA is in the market for a new man. She’ll be sure to be a little sexy and let her black bra strap slip out.
She will also remind Farrah in a million different ways that she is the CURRENT First Lady of Fish and Wildlife Paradise. She emphasizes this through her unapologetic use of large gemstone jewelry and luxury-branded accessories. Farrah’s father in law and brothers in law are not comfortable making eye contact with her yet so she’ll have to see how that goes but that’s not a great sign.
As a young girl Courtney realized she was looking down at her friends. At first it meant that she always had to be the daddy when they played house. As they got older and she became interested in boys, she found that she towered over most of them. Except Seth who still picked his nose and always threatened to wipe it on people. Seth was not an option....
They’ll go to the nicest French restaurant in town, where they will order continuous bottles of champagne and get so drunk that Tawnee will begin berating their waiter, basically for being a man, but then will end up making out with him in the employees-only storage room at the end of the meal.
Meet Katie. She’s a Sex Ed teacher at Sherwood Middle School, and she does not mince words. Katie has been explaining the birds and the bees to fifth graders for 15 years and her matter-of-fact manner makes her perfect for the job. She makes intense, unbreakable eye contact with the 11 year old boys as she explains how their testacles will soon drop - is impervious to their red faces and squirming as she details all the places they will grow hair.
Her best friend is having to practically pin her down to prevent her from cutting bangs that end 3 inches above her eyebrows. Lucinda is already planning her trip to England for when this pandemic lets up. Her husband has certainly benefited from her Bridgerton viewing, if you know what I mean,
I am so in love that I went ahead and made one! I’ll have more of these next month but I couldn’t help myself. It’s a boucle and really reminds me of a Chanel suit. I named her Jackie, and I can tell you that she loves to give off a stiff, cold vibe. She is reed thin, beautiful and so stylish you’d think she’s French.
Adele recently bragged that his grip during their lift got quite...exploratory.Tanya just loves the way he looks in those vests - SWOON! In one week they will debut this year’s Nutcracker at the Kenosha Community Theater
Meet Annie.She’s an art student with a fetish for older men. She’s in grad school earning her MFA in soft sculpture. Ooooh...So Annie decided to do a semester in Italy, and among other artistic challenges, she decided that seducing poor Professor Tom was at the top of her list.
Meet Isabella. You don’t have to tell her she’s sexy, she already knows that. Isabella knows what men like, and that’s tight clothing, and big hair. Her rollerblading outfit: tight black high-rise jeans, pink sports bra, hair pulled half back in a banana clip. Frosted grape lipstick.BOOM. Curves for days!!!
Meet Ssstacey. She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, creating drama anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like - she just doesn’t feel right leaving the house if she’s not completely put together.
Meet Gina. She likes fast cars, bad boys and Looney Toons character tattoos. She has one of Tweety Bird giving you the finger on her left shoulder blade. You know those ridiculous tricked-out Dodge Chargers you occasionally see on the road with a racing stripe up the center, painted Nickelodeon slime green and
Meet Iris. It’s 3:17 am and she can’t sleep...again.
Her inner dialogue: ‘Just going to relax and go right back to sleep. I’m not worried about this at all. I’m so relaxed. Shit did I remember to cancel my dentist appointment for tomorrow afternoon?? I wonder what time they open? Stop thinking, go back to sleep. *——————-* What should I make for lunches? Do we have any turkey?
Meet Margaret. Her 7 year old daughter plays rec soccer and Margaret IS NOT HAVING ANY OF THE OTHER TEAM’S SHIT. Do you hear me?? Little McKenna loves to get out on the field and just have fun running around with her friends.
Meet Mrs. Claws. You’re much more acquainted with her husband, of course, with his miraculous trip to each child on earth every Christmas. His distribution of that perfect gift that was exactly what was requested - the delight contained in the stockings Christmas morning. Oh, isn’t he exalted!! But what you may not know is that Mrs. Claws is the real power behind the man.
Meet Ruth- she’s tiny but mighty. She’s intense, and somewhat quiet but may be one of the most intimidating women ever. Ruth grew up in a working class family but was brilliant, and ended up attending Cornell where she met her outgoing, gregarious husband - the first boy she’d ever dated who actually cared that she had a brain.
Meet Danielle. She’s a total fox, and refuses to age without a fight. But that battle hasn’t come cheaply or easily. She plays tennis three times a week, does Pilates twice, and does not eat dairy, gluten or sugar. She got a boob job 7 years ago so her figure is a frequent topic of discussion out on the golf course with the Friday afternoon banking crowd. Just as she hopes
Meet Krissa. She was once known as the “Queen of Fine Cuisine” worldwide. She attended the world’s finest cooking schools, worked in five star kitchens alongside some of the most notorious little asshole chefs you can think of in half the cosmopolitan cities on the globe. She slept with a few of them...