But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
Tiff and Ham host various hunts each year at their country home, so they have five bird dogs used primarily for these occasions. Tiff makes a big show of adoring these dogs but secretly she hates them because they’re always sniffing her crotch while she tries to make pleasantries with their guests. What most people don’t know about Tiffany is that her birth name is Kiki Byrd and she is actually from a small town in W. Virginia where she worked as a cashier at Dairy Queen for several years...
Meet Mary. She’s had many odd hobbies over the years. There was the time that she spent four months enthusiastically geocaching with an online group. Or the time she tried to put together a Quiddich team after watching Harry Potter. Mary has tried soap carving and beekeeping, but her latest hobby has really raised some eyebrows. She recently took up taxidermy.
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.
Although, he wanted sophistication so she familiarized herself with cashmere, Chanel and less talking. She got her teeth straightened. She lost 15 pounds. She began to get facials and emulate the women she met at parties and dinners out. Within two years Hilary had become an enormous influencer, who shamelessly flaunted her Bentley, her castle-replica country home, her new baby (way to go, Alexander), and the clothing line that Alexander financed for her. Every time he comes home with jewelry, or a new car, or takes her on a shopping spree, she is reminded of the true love she feels for him.
On the walk from her car to her office building she could see a group of construction workers eyeing her as she passed. She got a raise. Her boss paid for her lunch. She found a $100 bill on the ground next to her car. Her husband offered to make dinner.
Tabitha! Play us something on the banjo!" Oh, Tabitha would demure. She would play bashful, vehemently shake her head that this is not the time and place, but of course everybody in the room would insist and begin playfully chanting her name. She would reluctantly break out her banjo and begin to pick the strings deftly.
