Meet Casey. She’s a college student and has been a good girl all her life. She comes from a respectable family and has always presented herself in a way that has made them proud. This year she’s off on her own and realizes, as so many young women before her have, that Halloween is her opportunity to dress slutty and have it be completely within the boundaries of propriety. Once Casey committed to the idea of a sexy Halloween costume, she became inundated with ideas. A firefighter, but make it sexy with a short skirt, heels, suspenders, and a phallic fire hose. Or what about a police officer? She could see herself in a skin tight black dress with a cute police hat, aviators, and a phallic night stick. Oooh, what about a sexy sanitation worker? She could see herself in nothing but an oversized reflective vest, heels, work gloves, and a phallic trashcan. Could she pull off a sexy Mona Lisa? A sexy horse? A sexy cheeseburger? Anything short with fishnets and heels would work. Wigs, hats, sunglasses, furry boots, low-cut tops, clip on tails, innuendo – the possibilities are endless!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
