Meet Abigail. She was created neutral and so she works well with everything, but alas we always want to be what we’re not. Abigail saw the Royal Tenenbaums when she was a teenager and after seeing how sexy and fascinating Margot’s tortured soul was, Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking American Spirit cigarettes, but is also vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be “tragic deaths” in order to better understand the roots of their suffering and how it enhanced their art. Yikes. You feel the need to check in on Abigail from time to time to make sure she’s not taking all this eccentricity too far. She isn’t exactly fun at parties but she has managed a pretty high cool factor over the years. She goes on and on about Bob Dylan and will only refer to his songs as “poetry” but deep down her favorite artist is Britney, bitch. TAKE HER HOME!
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.