Meet Abigail. She was created neutral and so she works well with everything, but alas we always want to be what we’re not. Abigail saw the Royal Tenenbaums when she was a teenager and after seeing how sexy and fascinating Margot’s tortured soul was, Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking American Spirit cigarettes, but is also vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be “tragic deaths” in order to better understand the roots of their suffering and how it enhanced their art. Yikes. You feel the need to check in on Abigail from time to time to make sure she’s not taking all this eccentricity too far. She isn’t exactly fun at parties but she has managed a pretty high cool factor over the years. She goes on and on about Bob Dylan and will only refer to his songs as “poetry” but deep down her favorite artist is Britney, bitch. TAKE HER HOME!
Tabitha! Play us something on the banjo!" Oh, Tabitha would demure. She would play bashful, vehemently shake her head that this is not the time and place, but of course everybody in the room would insist and begin playfully chanting her name. She would reluctantly break out her banjo and begin to pick the strings deftly.
Birds are her life. While you were binge watching Below Deck Down Under she was comparing the migratory patterns of the artic tern to the western meadowlark.
Has Delilah double-booked?? She definitely did the first week of summer and they missed VBS. She'll check her calendar. She does know that her son has a sleepaway baseball camp in three weeks. Maybe that's when she and her daughter go to the lake...
