Meet Coral. She holds everything in. When her coworker threw her under the bus in a meeting last week, she sat silently, taking deep breaths and said nothing (plotting an elaborate murder involving ants and a power drill). When she was cut off in traffic she pursed her lips, but because her kids were in the car, her middle finger stayed put and she said nothing. When her husband suggested Five Guys for their monthly date night, she bit her tongue and forced a smile, ordering a double cheeseburger and a shake. When her pickleball partner slammed the ball out of bounds 3 times in a row, Coral managed to force out a “good try” while envisioning launching the pickleball into her ass on the next serve. All of this restraint is why, when Coral was in the hardware store this afternoon and discovered they were out of the potting soil she likes, Coral went ballistic. When the man working there suggested a different bag of soil, she screamed “THIS CRAP??!!” and proceeded to rip open the bag and dump it all over the floor. She then ripped open the next bag and ran around the aisle dumping out the contents all over the floor. The look on his face sent her into maniacal laughter, and in a moment of fantastically inspired lunacy, she grabbed a broom from the end cap and began to ride it around the spray paint aisle like a witch, cackling. As the police forcibly removed her from the store she thrashed wildly, knocking over the Yeti cooler display, and managing to grab three miniature Junior Mints boxes.
One of the new box clutches!! She comes with a shoulder chain, and is lined inside white linen. She’ll hold in everything you need her to. Tap the photo to shop her!
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.