Meet Coral. She holds everything in. When her coworker threw her under the bus in a meeting last week, she sat silently, taking deep breaths and said nothing (plotting an elaborate murder involving ants and a power drill). When she was cut off in traffic she pursed her lips, but because her kids were in the car, her middle finger stayed put and she said nothing. When her husband suggested Five Guys for their monthly date night, she bit her tongue and forced a smile, ordering a double cheeseburger and a shake. When her pickleball partner slammed the ball out of bounds 3 times in a row, Coral managed to force out a “good try” while envisioning launching the pickleball into her ass on the next serve. All of this restraint is why, when Coral was in the hardware store this afternoon and discovered they were out of the potting soil she likes, Coral went ballistic. When the man working there suggested a different bag of soil, she screamed “THIS CRAP??!!” and proceeded to rip open the bag and dump it all over the floor. She then ripped open the next bag and ran around the aisle dumping out the contents all over the floor. The look on his face sent her into maniacal laughter, and in a moment of fantastically inspired lunacy, she grabbed a broom from the end cap and began to ride it around the spray paint aisle like a witch, cackling. As the police forcibly removed her from the store she thrashed wildly, knocking over the Yeti cooler display, and managing to grab three miniature Junior Mints boxes.
One of the new box clutches!! She comes with a shoulder chain, and is lined inside white linen. She’ll hold in everything you need her to. Tap the photo to shop her!
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
