he visited Palm Beach for the first time this past summer and now she has transformed herself into a Slim Aarons subject. She is not the beneficiary of multi-generational wealth so this has been a tricky process. She convinced her husband to cash out on their equity line to put in a pool in the backyard. Unfortunately it’s really just a little wading pool so use your imagination. She purchased a pair of white-rimmed Chanel sunglasses on eBay and has started using giant rollers in her hair at night to achieve the perfect hair flip. Her next paycheck is going towards turbans and caftans and she’s begun a nightly cigarette and 3-martini routine. She’s fashioned a poolside cabana out of the cover that came with her Ballard outdoor patio furniture from 7 years ago and she keeps making her friends sit with her by the pool when they come to visit. Even though it’s freezing outside and they stubbornly insist on wearing their ugly jackets. And they are being so judgy about the smoking! All that’s left to do is get a dog, lose 20 pounds and plant some palm trees. Those do fine in Massachusetts as long as they’re in full sun, right??
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
