he visited Palm Beach for the first time this past summer and now she has transformed herself into a Slim Aarons subject. She is not the beneficiary of multi-generational wealth so this has been a tricky process. She convinced her husband to cash out on their equity line to put in a pool in the backyard. Unfortunately it’s really just a little wading pool so use your imagination. She purchased a pair of white-rimmed Chanel sunglasses on eBay and has started using giant rollers in her hair at night to achieve the perfect hair flip. Her next paycheck is going towards turbans and caftans and she’s begun a nightly cigarette and 3-martini routine. She’s fashioned a poolside cabana out of the cover that came with her Ballard outdoor patio furniture from 7 years ago and she keeps making her friends sit with her by the pool when they come to visit. Even though it’s freezing outside and they stubbornly insist on wearing their ugly jackets. And they are being so judgy about the smoking! All that’s left to do is get a dog, lose 20 pounds and plant some palm trees. Those do fine in Massachusetts as long as they’re in full sun, right??
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.