Hey y’all, this is Eleanore. Look out she’s coming in for a hug! Eleanore is a hugger...big time. This is not a bad thing, of course, but she’s one of those people who doesn’t just do a quick hug. She stretches it out, rocking back and forth, and sometimes even starts rubbing your back. And you try to let go but she won’t let go so it just continues. She also doesn’t make any great effort to keep the hug upper body only, so sometimes you have this awkward, below-the-belt contact thrown in the mix. Then when she finally releases you, she holds you out at arm’s length by your shoulders and makes intense, friendly eye contact. And calls you “sweet girl” or “gorgeous”. I mean, it’s all very sweet and innocuous but it really takes a solid fortitude and constitution to endure this without getting flustered. Or, if you’ve known her forever - which most people have - then you’ve come to appreciate it. For her friends and family, Eleanore is like coming home. She might come up behind you for an embracing assault while you’re mid-conversation with someone at a party. She might come at you for a sudden squeeze at the grocery store if you look sad. You might as well give into the bereavement bear hug if you’re at a funeral - you don’t stand a chance. Anyway, get used to Eleanore. She’s a warm light in an often cold world. Her favorite song is Don’t Stand So Close to Me, ironically.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
