Heeeeere comes Laura! So, she was on her way to the panhandle area initially. Then somewhere along the way she met up with Marco, who came from Cuba. Whoa boy. He is a charmer and a looker but he’s one of those guys that never lives up to his potential. And he’s a total mooch - trying to join up with any woman he sidles up next to. Oh Laura wasn’t one to seek attention and was coasting along relatively mildly, but then she met up with Marco, and all hell has broken loose. Now, I don’t know exactly what all happened between them out there over the Gulf, but I’ve heard it said it involved thousands in cash, a one-legged stripper, 3 cigars and a PT Cruiser. 🤷♀️ Whatever it was, Laura has LOST HER DANG MIND. She’s changed her plan and is now headed straight for Louisiana, God help us all. She is completely on the warpath. She will visit many cities along the way, raging and dumping her tears all over anybody in her path. Hell hath no fury, etc. If you see her, take shelter. If you hear that new Taylor Swift song, “Mad Woman” on the wind, you’ll know sh*t’s about to go down. It’s her current fave.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....