Heeeeere comes Laura! So, she was on her way to the panhandle area initially. Then somewhere along the way she met up with Marco, who came from Cuba. Whoa boy. He is a charmer and a looker but he’s one of those guys that never lives up to his potential. And he’s a total mooch - trying to join up with any woman he sidles up next to. Oh Laura wasn’t one to seek attention and was coasting along relatively mildly, but then she met up with Marco, and all hell has broken loose. Now, I don’t know exactly what all happened between them out there over the Gulf, but I’ve heard it said it involved thousands in cash, a one-legged stripper, 3 cigars and a PT Cruiser. 🤷♀️ Whatever it was, Laura has LOST HER DANG MIND. She’s changed her plan and is now headed straight for Louisiana, God help us all. She is completely on the warpath. She will visit many cities along the way, raging and dumping her tears all over anybody in her path. Hell hath no fury, etc. If you see her, take shelter. If you hear that new Taylor Swift song, “Mad Woman” on the wind, you’ll know sh*t’s about to go down. It’s her current fave.
Meet Candi. She has been telling everybody since October 15th (casually, in passing, to everybody she comes in contact with) that she is done with her Christmas shopping. It’s almost as if she doesn’t realize that this will elicit praise and envy…almost. But the little sniff she makes at the end of her sentence is her poker tell. It gives her away that she’s just knowingly bragged and is anticipating a wave of self-satisfaction as the recipient dutifully gushes over Candi and her superior life choices.
Meet Mrs. Claws. You’re much more acquainted with her husband, of course, with his miraculous trip to each child on earth every Christmas. His distribution of that perfect gift that was exactly what was requested - the delight contained in the stockings Christmas morning. Oh, isn’t he exalted!
Meet Tina. She gets triggered easily, but she means well. Lately she’s been trying to clean up her language - for the kids. She’s learning how unsatisfying “gosh” and “darn” are. “Rats” is just completely off the table, and she’s on the fence about whether or not it’s ok to say “crap”.
