This is Lauren. She has recently learned that she is anemic after a 5-year absence from her PCP due to a long-standing needle phobia. Now that she is officially anemic, she has noticed all manner of ailments that she’s never noticed before. Excessive bloating. Fatigue. Brain fog (she’s read a lot about that - surely this is why she can’t calculate tips in her head), dry skin...the list goes on. Headaches? Why yes she had one just last week. And why has her left ankle been itching for no reason at night??? Come to think of it, her eyes have been burning all week. Retinal issues? Wait, when was her last bowel movement? And the one before that? Maybe she should start a poop spreadsheet. Lauren has a spotty history with this sort of thing - she once diagnosed her toddler with scarlet fever based on google alone. But this particular phase has cost her $500 in home testing kits for everything from DNA to fecal samples determining gut bacterial health. These kits will lead to $250 worth of supplements and probiotics monthly, which Lauren expects will result in her stomach shrinking until it is concave, her complexion to develop an actual luminous sparkly shine, and brilliant light to shoot out of her vagina. Just give it 6 months. Lauren’s favorite song is “Walking on Sunshine”.
Meet Elizabeth. She has a giant Goldendoodle, Charles, whose exuberance for life can be endearing for some, but downright dangerous for others. Upon greeting newcomers to her home, Charles immediately jumps up to lick their faces - sometimes springing up into the air and crashing into their nose.
She goes into the pool restroom barefoot. She worked a stint in the infant room at a daycare center and was completely unphased by the diaper changing and poop getting on her fingers. Bodily fluids do not bother Judes, regardless of whether they come from human or animal.
Now that she's in her thirties, and still single, she finds it a bit harder to endure her romantic ideals but she will not give up hope! Surely there is a gorgeous man out there who loves to talk about his feelings, monogamy, loves to buy little presents for no reason, would totally get her sense of humor,
