These are four old college friends who are going on a girls trip to the beach. They desperately need this getaway. They spent about an hour debating over text whether they should get trip insurance after a 3-day back and forth over the actual beach house. One refuses to sleep in a bunk bed, and two say they’ll sleep anywhere (but will be annoyed to get the bunk bed). Two of them will plan a diet leading up to the trip, but one won’t really even start it until a week out. They will spend three days reminiscing, telling stories, complaining about their husbands, complaining about their kids, complaining about their vaginas. They will spend an accumulated 1.5 hours talking about sex. They will go through 15 bottles of wine, and one of them will bring some weed and a vape pen, which 3 of them will partake in, and feel like maybe they aren’t that old after all. They will all order salads at dinner and then bake a frozen pizza back at the house afterwards and eat the whole thing. They will be friends until they are little old ladies.
Meet Candi. She has been telling everybody since October 15th (casually, in passing, to everybody she comes in contact with) that she is done with her Christmas shopping. It’s almost as if she doesn’t realize that this will elicit praise and envy…almost. But the little sniff she makes at the end of her sentence is her poker tell. It gives her away that she’s just knowingly bragged and is anticipating a wave of self-satisfaction as the recipient dutifully gushes over Candi and her superior life choices.
Meet Mrs. Claws. You’re much more acquainted with her husband, of course, with his miraculous trip to each child on earth every Christmas. His distribution of that perfect gift that was exactly what was requested - the delight contained in the stockings Christmas morning. Oh, isn’t he exalted!
Meet Tina. She gets triggered easily, but she means well. Lately she’s been trying to clean up her language - for the kids. She’s learning how unsatisfying “gosh” and “darn” are. “Rats” is just completely off the table, and she’s on the fence about whether or not it’s ok to say “crap”.
