Meet Brooke - she’s the 17 year old overzealous lifeguard at your pool. Brooke may be spending her summer weekend nights getting drunk on the peach Schnapps at the back of her parents’ liquor cabinet, but during the days she’s drunk on power. She wields that whistle with the hair-trigger sensitivity of a sniper. Only 2 weeks into pool season and she has all the 11-and-under’s terrified to run. They all look like little power-walking Karens hustling their way around that pool. The other day one of the moms tried to sneak a bottle of champagne in her cooler for mimosas. She tried so hard to be discreet but the pop of the cork signaled VIOLATION. Brooke’s head swiveled to the side and she spotted the offending bottle, issuing a sharp “No glass”. Well, not sharp exactly. It was monotone like the way she orders “Walk” Or “No chicken fights” Or “Adult swim”. Like a bored 17 year old but yet there must be more to her. What light dances in the eyes behind those aviators? What secrets lie beneath that stern lifeguard poker face? The shrill squeal of her whistle is her calling card, and sunburned, stinging-eyed children coked up on popsicles are her flock. She will prevent aggressive dunking...sometimes. She will not let you dive, will not let you run, will not speak to anyone. No she does not babysit, stop asking. But with that killer tan, red bathing suit and a solemn countenance she is a beacon of strength and obedience. Thank you Lifeguard Brooke, you unsung hero! 🎖
Meet Elizabeth. She has a giant Goldendoodle, Charles, whose exuberance for life can be endearing for some, but downright dangerous for others. Upon greeting newcomers to her home, Charles immediately jumps up to lick their faces - sometimes springing up into the air and crashing into their nose.
She goes into the pool restroom barefoot. She worked a stint in the infant room at a daycare center and was completely unphased by the diaper changing and poop getting on her fingers. Bodily fluids do not bother Judes, regardless of whether they come from human or animal.
Now that she's in her thirties, and still single, she finds it a bit harder to endure her romantic ideals but she will not give up hope! Surely there is a gorgeous man out there who loves to talk about his feelings, monogamy, loves to buy little presents for no reason, would totally get her sense of humor,
