Meet Parker. She’s a real show pony. Parker was a solid C student most of her life. She never really saw much past her immediate surroundings and life, but boy is she a looker! Thank goodness for her. Want to talk about a mortgage application? She has no idea what a mortgage is. Want to laugh about Kim Jung Un’s latest movie-style insults to the US? You’ll get a blank stare. Need to ask her what the latest is in the impeachment hearings? She thinks we’re talking about fruit. But if you need makeup tips or need celebrity gossip, Parker is your girl! She prances around town on the arm of her ambulance-chasing personal injury attorney husband, with perfect makeup, hair and jewelry. Her home is plastered with Live Laugh Love signs, and she collects Yankee Candles and celebrity fragrances. Parker laughs at every joke she hears, but understands none of them. She relishes cat-calls from construction workers, the homeless, teenagers - anybody. One day Parker’s beauty will go, and so will her husband. But until then her mane is shiny, her haunches are firm, and her teeth are strong. And she secretly likes the sting of a whip.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
