Meet Parker. She’s a real show pony. Parker was a solid C student most of her life. She never really saw much past her immediate surroundings and life, but boy is she a looker! Thank goodness for her. Want to talk about a mortgage application? She has no idea what a mortgage is. Want to laugh about Kim Jung Un’s latest movie-style insults to the US? You’ll get a blank stare. Need to ask her what the latest is in the impeachment hearings? She thinks we’re talking about fruit. But if you need makeup tips or need celebrity gossip, Parker is your girl! She prances around town on the arm of her ambulance-chasing personal injury attorney husband, with perfect makeup, hair and jewelry. Her home is plastered with Live Laugh Love signs, and she collects Yankee Candles and celebrity fragrances. Parker laughs at every joke she hears, but understands none of them. She relishes cat-calls from construction workers, the homeless, teenagers - anybody. One day Parker’s beauty will go, and so will her husband. But until then her mane is shiny, her haunches are firm, and her teeth are strong. And she secretly likes the sting of a whip.
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
