Meet Lindsay. She can’t get “Informer” by Snow out of her head. Now it will be in yours too- you’re welcome. She got a puppy yesterday and is severely sleep-deprived. The last two days she and her family have waaaay overdone the treats so he had diarrhea on her seagrass rug this afternoon. She cleaned it up in front of four kids under the age of 10 while loudly gagging the whole time as they held their noses. They’ve all asked repeatedly why he keeps licking “down there”. She’s not sleeping well otherwise either, and has some pretty flashy melatonin and CBD supplements going in her 90’s bathroom right now. All to no avail. She’ll still have to pee at least once and then phantom pee at least two more times. She’ll be hot for two cumulative hours with 2-minute cold snaps sprinkled in. Her earrings are from Target and so is her bra. Her feet have never looked this bad.
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
