Meet Lindsay. She can’t get “Informer” by Snow out of her head. Now it will be in yours too- you’re welcome. She got a puppy yesterday and is severely sleep-deprived. The last two days she and her family have waaaay overdone the treats so he had diarrhea on her seagrass rug this afternoon. She cleaned it up in front of four kids under the age of 10 while loudly gagging the whole time as they held their noses. They’ve all asked repeatedly why he keeps licking “down there”. She’s not sleeping well otherwise either, and has some pretty flashy melatonin and CBD supplements going in her 90’s bathroom right now. All to no avail. She’ll still have to pee at least once and then phantom pee at least two more times. She’ll be hot for two cumulative hours with 2-minute cold snaps sprinkled in. Her earrings are from Target and so is her bra. Her feet have never looked this bad.
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.