Meet Lindsay. She can’t get “Informer” by Snow out of her head. Now it will be in yours too- you’re welcome. She got a puppy yesterday and is severely sleep-deprived. The last two days she and her family have waaaay overdone the treats so he had diarrhea on her seagrass rug this afternoon. She cleaned it up in front of four kids under the age of 10 while loudly gagging the whole time as they held their noses. They’ve all asked repeatedly why he keeps licking “down there”. She’s not sleeping well otherwise either, and has some pretty flashy melatonin and CBD supplements going in her 90’s bathroom right now. All to no avail. She’ll still have to pee at least once and then phantom pee at least two more times. She’ll be hot for two cumulative hours with 2-minute cold snaps sprinkled in. Her earrings are from Target and so is her bra. Her feet have never looked this bad.
Tiff and Ham host various hunts each year at their country home, so they have five bird dogs used primarily for these occasions. Tiff makes a big show of adoring these dogs but secretly she hates them because they’re always sniffing her crotch while she tries to make pleasantries with their guests. What most people don’t know about Tiffany is that her birth name is Kiki Byrd and she is actually from a small town in W. Virginia where she worked as a cashier at Dairy Queen for several years...
Meet Mary. She’s had many odd hobbies over the years. There was the time that she spent four months enthusiastically geocaching with an online group. Or the time she tried to put together a Quiddich team after watching Harry Potter. Mary has tried soap carving and beekeeping, but her latest hobby has really raised some eyebrows. She recently took up taxidermy.
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....