Meet Garrett. She thinks that’s gross. And so is that. That too. Garrett has made a rule for herself never to wear short skirts or dresses when she’ll have to sit in a seat in public. Each time she has, all she can think about is that her privates are making direct contact with the seat, protected only by the thin layer of her underwear, and she wonders how many other women’s privates have also made direct contact with this chair. Each morning Garrett heads into the bathroom in her home, and inspects the floor in front of the toilet for pee drops, accidentally slung from the male members of her family. She finds drops 68% of the time. This is why she keeps spray cleaner on the back of the toilet. Garrett once read that there is more fecal matter on the handle of a grocery cart than on public restroom toilet seats, so she is THOROUGH in wiping them down. She throws away bags of white shredded cheese after exactly 5 days because you can’t see if there is white mold on it or not. No she does not want to taste your drink. She does kiss her husband and children on the lips, but it is obvious that she hesitates and stiffens. Keep it dry. The thought has crossed her mind, when walking around her neighborhood, that car tires drive over roadkill, then track God-knows-what from that all over the roads, and she then walks through the invisible filth. So three years ago she banned shoes inside the house (never mind what they track out of public restrooms - which she will only attend in the most desperate of circumstances). Garrett’s favorite song is OutKast’s “So Fresh, So Clean”.
