Meet Ssstacey. She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like - she “just doesn’t feel right leaving the house” if she’s not completely put together. She told Kim last night that she overheard some ladies at tennis saying that she drinks too much. She hit on poor, pudgy Tom at Lisa’s birthday dinner just to show that she could make him blush, and then announced “Tom are you actually blushing??” loudly to the entire table. Stacey says things like “don’t worry about what people like Dana think - I know the real you” when you thought Dana liked you. Or “you should really take advantage of Mary’s weight loss and see if she’ll give you some of her gorgeous dresses”. She tempts and tempts you with wine and juicy, ripe gossip and then when you finally eat the apple she slithers away to betray you and reveal your admissions. Her favorite song is “Cold Hearted Snake” by Paula Abdul. TAKE HER HOME!
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.