Meet Vicky. She had to marry Dennis, owner of 10 bounce house franchises who is 30 years her senior and loves to “playfully” smack women on the ass. Vicky is fairly repulsed by Dennis but she grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and always knew she would make something of herself. Dennis was her ticket out. Now Vicky drives a custom pink Mercedes sedan, with airbrushed nails that have matching pink flowers. She has a chandelier in her closet. Her towels are monogrammed and she only carries logo handbags. She leaves her sunglasses on indoors, “forgetting” to take them off. Vicky gets a spray tan once a week and has a face full of Botox at age 31. She has graduated up to a size F bra, thank you Dennis. And she shows those puppies off every chance she gets! Vicky insists on chartering small planes as often as possible and posts social media photos in front of every single one. Vicky has money and you’d better know it. Her favorite song is “Glamorous” by Fergie. TAKE HER HOME!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
