This is Alexis and she’s about to graduate from college! Poor thing has missed the end of her senior year but she’s faithfully scrapbooked all four years of her experience so she’s been pouring through the photos, ticket stubs, wrist bands and sorority date night t-shirts, reliving it all. There was that date night when she had no dinner and too much Captain Morgan and Coke, and ended up puking all night in her date’s apartment . Or how about when the security guard caught her smoking on the roof of her sorority house and she mooned him? Hope she appreciates that this is probably the best her ass will ever look. There were spontaneous road trips that involved piano bars, all-nighters, game days that ran long into the night, women’s studies classes, giant auditorium classes, band parties. One band party she got up on stage and did the talking part of David Allan Coe’s drunken anthem You never Even Called Me by My Name (“Well a friend of mine named Steve Goodman...”). She received multiple proposals that night for her efforts. So raise a glass to the graduates of 2020. It’s not an ideal end, but they still have 22 year old asses and their whole lives ahead of them! Alexis’s favorite song is “I Had the Time of My Life”. What a wonderful graduation gift this would make! A little something to take out into the world that strikes a sophisticated, stylish tone for the next adult chapter in life! Love this Lee Jofa (Kelly Wearstler) print, and the shiny medallion on top! Tap the photo to shop it and a few of its cousins!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
