This is Amber, your kids' hot nanny. She's been nannying for y'all for around 8 months. She's 23, drop-dead gorgeous, size 2 and full of energy. You interviewed several candidates, all of whom were great, but your husband, Dan, really made a strong case for Amber, and you guess his points were pretty valid? Since she's started it's been really great seeing how hands-on Dan has been in making Amber feel like a welcome part of the family. Normally he's really insular and quiet but Dan has been eager to give Amber rides to and from home (even though her car works perfectly fine), shown her how to make a new mac and cheese recipe (he cooks??), shoulder massages, and even seems to be checking on her here and there throughout the day on his phone! Wow, how knew Dan could be so accommodating??!! You sure are a lucky lady. Amber has been lovely, but you have to admit that her presence has caused a little self-consciousness on your part. You have been on a diet for...oh look at that...8 months. You've started using whitening strips on your teeth and have spent $2,000 on Botox. Further complicating things is that your 9 year old son has mentioned how much he likes Amber's short shorts and is asking lots of awkward questions, and you think you're going to have to have "the talk" with him. Your daughter keeps asking you if you think Amber would like her outfit, or what you think Amber would say to the boy at school. But no, Amber's GREAT! Everything is fine! Oh look, Dan is taking Aber home again tonight...
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
