Meet Sandra. I know that on the outside Sandra may seem like an elegant, responsible, maybe snooty lady, but rest assured there is more to her. Yes she loves chinoiserie, pearls and expensive clothes but in two days she will descend upon Burning Man with the intensity of a Jack Russell on coke, which she will be on. She will sample a variety of psychedelics, noodle for 5 hours straight one night, eat 36 grilled cheese sandwiches, sleep with one yoga instructor, 2 investment bankers, and catch the clap. She will ride on the back of a 10-seater bike that shoots flames with a 75 year old vagabond named Stu who communicates through "beep" sounds. When she is done she will come back home where she has a successful dental practice and resume her life as usual. In her office she plays an adult contemporary Spotify playlist, but in her car she plays Lizzo.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
