This is Andrea, and no she’s not wearing that leather choker ironically. Also yes, she’s high. Andrea is such a free spirit. She’s always up for an adventure, constantly traveling, no desire to settle down. Andrea is stunningly beautiful and over the years has had a string of lovers including but not limited to a cannabis farmer, a Silicon Valley executive, a Shaman, three bass players, a cattle rancher, and a mall Santa. She’s always lightly tanned and has the kind of hair that doesn’t need to be blow-dried. But she doesn’t shave her armpits, which makes you feel a little superior (deservedly). Andrea does peyote three times a year in a teepee somewhere in the Mojave, and writes spoken word poetry about the “painted sunsets” there. She believes, more than a little, that octopi spring from alien DNA that arrived on a meteor millions of years ago, and that mushrooms are the doorway to the 5th dimension. Andrea’s favorite song is anything by Jefferson Starship (but she had to work really hard to acquire that taste). .
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.
