This is Andrea, and no she’s not wearing that leather choker ironically. Also yes, she’s high. Andrea is such a free spirit. She’s always up for an adventure, constantly traveling, no desire to settle down. Andrea is stunningly beautiful and over the years has had a string of lovers including but not limited to a cannabis farmer, a Silicon Valley executive, a Shaman, three bass players, a cattle rancher, and a mall Santa. She’s always lightly tanned and has the kind of hair that doesn’t need to be blow-dried. But she doesn’t shave her armpits, which makes you feel a little superior (deservedly). Andrea does peyote three times a year in a teepee somewhere in the Mojave, and writes spoken word poetry about the “painted sunsets” there. She believes, more than a little, that octopi spring from alien DNA that arrived on a meteor millions of years ago, and that mushrooms are the doorway to the 5th dimension. Andrea’s favorite song is anything by Jefferson Starship (but she had to work really hard to acquire that taste). .
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
