Meet Ashley. She's in a cult. Ashley grew up in a pretty typical family in the suburbs of Tempe, but her mother's controlling ways drove her to the arms of Simone Smith, founder of Cosmic People of the Oracle. She became part of "The Family" and now firmly believes that Simon's dog is the reincarnated soul of an alien who landed on earth 150 years ago, and buried a spaceship in an Arizona desert that contains a potion for everlasting life. Ashley and her 25 family members share 3 old vans painted electric green and venture out to Sams Club in them once a month to purchase supplies. For money, The Cosmic People of the Oracle bottle and sell CBD oil as well as applesauce. Ashley is wife #7 to Simon, 54, who is balding with a man bun and once served as an extra on "Alf" in the 80's. When she is alone, Ashley works through her demons by painting. Her zodiac sign is Zorg, based on Simon's dog's galaxy's star chart.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
