Let me introduce you to Ashley. She tries to be a good girl but she’s just so baaaaad. Yesterday she made a right-hand turn with NO BLINKER. 😱 She knows she should buy reusable grocery bags but yes, plastic will be fine. No matter how much she tries to focus, dirty thoughts always seem to creep in while she’s at church. 😬 Ashley laughed when that woman tripped and fell outside of Applebee’s last week. She doesn’t wash her recycle trash before putting it in the bin - for that matter, she uses plastic water bottles like crazy. Monster. She knows she should reciprocate having playdates over at her house, but ugh it’s just too much. She refuses to make eye contact with the homeless, and she doesn’t donate her change at the checkout counter. I guess she could be worse.
I know we’ve seen this clutch before but it’s such a hit I wanted to be sure y’all knew it was back in stock!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
