Meet Poppy. She’s very prepared. By day she rolls her eyes at the hysteria surrounding the coronavirus. By night, she reads every article about it, imagining the worst-case scenarios. To avoid looking hysterical she started buying an extra 5 canned goods at her grocery outings back in mid-February. She got the second to last industrial-sized hand sanitizer at Sams. She’s washed her hands 20 times and it’s not even lunchtime. Her fingers are peeling. Poppy has enough toilet paper to prep for a colonoscopy every day for two months, and she bought additional ammo at Walmart today in case things get apocalyptic. Poppy looks so sweet and chipper but don’t try and raid her stash of Clorox wipes or you’ll find yourself on the business end of a Sig Sauer. Her favorite song is “Fever” by Peggy Lee. .
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
