Meet Lilly and her sister Tilly. They are both obsessed with Lilly Pulitzer. In the morning they pour their coffee in their Lilly tumbler (monogrammed of course). Then they get dressed in a Lilly day dress or maybe a Lilly top with white jeans. Jack Rogers sandals, of course. Do they leave the house without makeup? Psht. Stop asking stupid questions. Lilly gets kind of irritated with Tilly because their children’s birthday parties have become a gladiatorial contest. Renting a petting zoo morphed into hiring a small circus troupe, and most recently Tilly paid gobs of money to have one of The Wiggles members come from Australia to perform live in their tented soirée on the beach. Guests were served ice cream from a vintage-style ice cream truck parked inside the giant tent, alongside 3 food trucks, and amid Ariel impersonators making dolphin balloon animal hats. For a child's 5th birthday. Lilly did a walk-through before the party started, lobbing passive-aggressive grenades such as “I guess we like to spend money in different ways” and “Good for you - I can’t stand hearing one more Wiggles song” or “plastic straws 100 feet from sea turtle nests? (raised eyebrows)”. Then Lilly’s final blow was to sleep with Anthony post-performance to see how he really wiggles. They compete but at the end of the day, these two are cut from the same cloth. They always look perfectly put together, and they are always in attendance at all the right events, but rest assured they aren’t perfect. Tilly screams into a pillow twice a day and Lilly has herpes.
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.