Rooney is constantly grooming herself which can seem very self-absorbed but then you look at her and she's so damn cute, and she just loves you so much you'll forgive her anything. Even the fact that she pukes...a lot. You've tried to explore whether or not she has a problem but you've basically just decided it's something you have to live with. Your husband also hates her, and basically refuses to acknowledge her but he'll never understand your bond. You love her in spite of the fact that she always wants to sit directly on your keyboard - how has it not broken yet? Or
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Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking Virginia Slims, and is vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be "tragic deaths" in order
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Meet Donatella. Her family owns the Gucci empire and she's not subtle about it. Well...by her "family" it's really a second cousin once-removed by marriage on her step-mother's side. And Donatella lives in Columbia. South Carolina. Also her real name is Emily but she insists Donatella is a family name. That does not stop her from establishing her questionable lineage in the most public and sensational ways possible, all over town!
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Meet Lilly and her sister Tilly. They are both obsessed with Lilly Pulitzer. In the morning they pour their coffee in their Lilly tumbler (monogrammed of course). Then they get dressed in a Lilly day dress or maybe a Lilly top with white jeans. Jack Rogers sandals, of course. Do they leave the house without makeup? Psht. Stop asking stupid questions. Lilly gets kind of irritated with Tilly because their children’s birthday parties have become a gladiatorial contest. Renting a petting zoo morphed into hiring a small circus troupe, and most recently Tilly paid gobs of money to have one of The Wiggles members come from Australia to perform live in their tented soirée on the beach. Guests were served ice cream from a vintage-style ice cream truck parked inside the giant tent, alongside 3 food trucks, and amid Ariel impersonators making dolphin balloon animal hats. For a child's 5th birthday. Lilly did a walk-through before the party started, lobbing passive-aggressive grenades such as “I guess we like to spend money in different ways” and “Good for you - I can’t stand hearing one more Wiggles song” or “plastic straws 100 feet from sea turtle nests? (raised eyebrows)”. Then Lilly’s final blow was to sleep with Anthony post-performance to see how he really wiggles. They compete but at the end of the day, these two are cut from the same cloth. They always look perfectly put together, and they are always in attendance at all the right events, but rest assured they aren’t perfect. Tilly screams into a pillow twice a day and Lilly has herpes.
