Meet Lilly and her sister Tilly. They are both obsessed with Lilly Pulitzer. In the morning they pour their coffee in their Lilly tumbler (monogrammed of course). Then they get dressed in a Lilly day dress or maybe a Lilly top with white jeans. Jack Rogers sandals, of course. Do they leave the house without makeup? Psht. Stop asking stupid questions. Lilly gets kind of irritated with Tilly because their children’s birthday parties have become a gladiatorial contest. Renting a petting zoo morphed into hiring a small circus troupe, and most recently Tilly paid gobs of money to have one of The Wiggles members come from Australia to perform live in their tented soirée on the beach. Guests were served ice cream from a vintage-style ice cream truck parked inside the giant tent, alongside 3 food trucks, and amid Ariel impersonators making dolphin balloon animal hats. For a child's 5th birthday. Lilly did a walk-through before the party started, lobbing passive-aggressive grenades such as “I guess we like to spend money in different ways” and “Good for you - I can’t stand hearing one more Wiggles song” or “plastic straws 100 feet from sea turtle nests? (raised eyebrows)”. Then Lilly’s final blow was to sleep with Anthony post-performance to see how he really wiggles. They compete but at the end of the day, these two are cut from the same cloth. They always look perfectly put together, and they are always in attendance at all the right events, but rest assured they aren’t perfect. Tilly screams into a pillow twice a day and Lilly has herpes.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
