Barbara claims to support the middle class, but her plan would create a 534% increase in taxes. In 2016 she was seen rolling her eyes at an elderly person at the supermarket. Barbara claims that her opponent wants to defund the police, but she has not shown up for the Sherrif’s Annual Pancake Breakfast fundraiser for the last three years. You know what else Barbara did? She took campaign money from Osama Bin Laden’s ghost. Last year she voted to pass a bill making it legal to punch toddlers in the face while spinning in a circle on your right foot, chanting “bingo” repeatedly. Can we really afford a senator who associates with terrorist specters, and hates financial success, the elderly, law enforcement and toddlers? Barbara, she wants to ruin America.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
