Meet Carson. She’s a mom to a toddler and a brand new baby, but OH BABY you should have seen her 3 years ago! Carson, in spite of only being in her mid-thirties, was a hair metal band groupie. That always seemed more within reach than current bands. She was quite a sight in that front row, crop top showing bottom boob, long wild hair, devil horn hands thrust up in the air, making suggestive faces at Tommy Lee. Carson was always just coming off of a round of penicillin or Valtrex. She wasn’t bothered by Axl Rose’s paunch or puffy face. She thought Bon Jovi looked just as good with short hair. Her claim to fame was a pregnancy scare with Brett Michaels - that rose definitely had its thorn. Oh but Carson has hours and hours of stories. They would have been better if she were doing this in the 80’s with these guys, because now they were a little more sedentary, but there were still a few wild nights at Chateau Marmont and carnal weeks spent on tour buses. Mostly she found herself skinny dipping in pools at various W hotels or letting the bass player from Ratt feel her up by the ice machine at the Holiday Inn. Finally she ended up falling in love with a roadie from Def Leopard, Stan, and settling down in Orlando. Being a mom has changed her, but a part of her will always be “That slutty groupie, I think her name is Carla. Something like that.” And that’s something she can hang her hat on. Her favorite song is Cherry Pie. 🍒
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.