Meet Carson. She’s a mom to a toddler and a brand new baby, but OH BABY you should have seen her 3 years ago! Carson, in spite of only being in her mid-thirties, was a hair metal band groupie. That always seemed more within reach than current bands. She was quite a sight in that front row, crop top showing bottom boob, long wild hair, devil horn hands thrust up in the air, making suggestive faces at Tommy Lee. Carson was always just coming off of a round of penicillin or Valtrex. She wasn’t bothered by Axl Rose’s paunch or puffy face. She thought Bon Jovi looked just as good with short hair. Her claim to fame was a pregnancy scare with Brett Michaels - that rose definitely had its thorn. Oh but Carson has hours and hours of stories. They would have been better if she were doing this in the 80’s with these guys, because now they were a little more sedentary, but there were still a few wild nights at Chateau Marmont and carnal weeks spent on tour buses. Mostly she found herself skinny dipping in pools at various W hotels or letting the bass player from Ratt feel her up by the ice machine at the Holiday Inn. Finally she ended up falling in love with a roadie from Def Leopard, Stan, and settling down in Orlando. Being a mom has changed her, but a part of her will always be “That slutty groupie, I think her name is Carla. Something like that.” And that’s something she can hang her hat on. Her favorite song is Cherry Pie. 🍒
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’