This is Diane, but she's quietly assuming you knew that. Diane's husband is a partner in the city's most prosperous law firm. Diane lives a sparkly life and wants you to know it. She makes a show of exasperation about the string of black and white tie events they attend but she secretly loves the glitz. She's a master of the humble-brag. The other day you overheard her telling someone she couldn't possibly have gotten through these past couple of months of renovating the pool house without her interior designer (she's glad the workers are making progress each day but do they have to be so LOUD???). Last night Diane accidentally farted in front of her husband for the first time in 13 years of marriage and he pretended not to hear it. Her favorite song is "Hold On" by Wilson Philips.
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.