This is Diane, but she's quietly assuming you knew that. Diane's husband is a partner in the city's most prosperous law firm. Diane lives a sparkly life and wants you to know it. She makes a show of exasperation about the string of black and white tie events they attend but she secretly loves the glitz. She's a master of the humble-brag. The other day you overheard her telling someone she couldn't possibly have gotten through these past couple of months of renovating the pool house without her interior designer (she's glad the workers are making progress each day but do they have to be so LOUD???). Last night Diane accidentally farted in front of her husband for the first time in 13 years of marriage and he pretended not to hear it. Her favorite song is "Hold On" by Wilson Philips.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
