Meet Dorian. Dorian is the biggest asshole you know. In early September he sailed up the east coast from south Florida to the Outer Banks and she's talked about it nonstop for weeks. It was all "teak" this and "starboard" that. Douchebag. Dorian is that guy that says he's coming to stay, so you stock up. But then he takes FOREVER to get there - one minute he's coming, next minute he's decided to stay over in the Bahamas for obnoxiously long (they hate him there). By the time he does get to your house, you're hammered and you've had 5x the carbs you intended (he's a fat shit so you got all junk food). He completely trashed your house, is full of bluster and hot air, and wet the bed. You have missed 3 days of work, have a terrible headache and have to spend two days cleaning up after him. Last I heard he was heading out to the Atlantic for God knows where. What a douchebag.
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’