Meet Eileen. She’s just excited her pool is open. Eileen has always been a fixture at her neighborhood pool. This year she thought she might have to be pool-less for the summer but lo and behold the neighborhood association just announced the opening! White Claws, radio stations over the speakers, yelling at kids to stop running - she gets to have it all!!! 🙌 Somehow she knows all the lifeguards’ names within a week of the pool opening up. She also knows all the kids’ names that regularly come, but usually only half of their parents. Eileen has a visor to match every bathing suit, and has been known to clean out the pool herself with that net thingie when the lazy ass lifeguard wasn’t being helpful. She always has a romance novel in hand and has the decency to wait until 2:30 to crack open her first drink. She has a neighborhood crew that usually wanders in at some point during the day, and they one-by-one set up by Eileen, who has arrived an hour earlier to grab the best seats (with the umbrella that she likes to open after an hour and a half). She likes to yell at the lifeguards when they try to put hip hop on the radio (there are children around!) but sure loves that adult contemporary station. She is quite vocal about how the vending machines are stocked and once let her nipple slip out of her bathing suit when that new dentist from down the street was sitting nearby. Eileen’s favorite song is Cruel Summer. .
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.