Meet Elena. She luuuuuvs men and is very free with her affections, if you know what I mean. Elena has been with them all - tall men, short men, thin men, stocky men. She’s been with hairless men slick as a seal pup, and men so furry their chest hair got tangled up in her earring. Some have mommy issues. Okay lots of them have mommy issues. One in particular told Elena on their first date that his mother would have to approve of her before a second date could commence. Some of them had some very strange bedroom preferences - Elena has worn furry animal costumes, a Wonder Woman costume, and even a power suit. She’s had to be a schoolgirl, a Ghostbuster, Janet Reno, that one guy’s mother, a cafeteria lady, a turtle, and a traffic cone. She’s heard countless hours of stock portfolio bragging, how much bros can lift, which animals various guys think they could beat in a fight, and more political opinions than she can handle. And through all this Elena yearns for someone NORMAL. But until he comes along, she’ll continue keeping her mind, her weekends, and…everything else open for Mr. Right. Her favorite song is “It’s Raining Men” by the Weather Girls.
If you watch long enough it will flash to a close-up of this MAGNIFICENT Schumacher embroidered fabric. It is absolutely magical. This is a Bespoke Collection bag so you can choose the hardware. There are only a handful of these so snatch them up while you can!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
