Meet Rose. She’s just the sweetest thing you ever did meet, and cute as a button, but she’s dumber than a post. Rose is from a tiny town in Minnesota called St. Olaf. Rose learned many valuable life lessons growing up, and one of her favorite pastimes is recounting them to her best friends. Some of our favorites: “You can lead a herring to water but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die”. “Norwegians are notoriously bad at Spanish.” “It’s like we say in St. Olaf - Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund’s Day without the headless boy.”
Typically these lessons and parables have nothing whatsoever to do with the topic of conversation but Rose has her own version of wisdom that we’d all do well to try and interpret. Her favorite song is “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn” by the great Poison.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
