Meet Rose. She’s just the sweetest thing you ever did meet, and cute as a button, but she’s dumber than a post. Rose is from a tiny town in Minnesota called St. Olaf. Rose learned many valuable life lessons growing up, and one of her favorite pastimes is recounting them to her best friends. Some of our favorites: “You can lead a herring to water but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die”. “Norwegians are notoriously bad at Spanish.” “It’s like we say in St. Olaf - Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund’s Day without the headless boy.”
Typically these lessons and parables have nothing whatsoever to do with the topic of conversation but Rose has her own version of wisdom that we’d all do well to try and interpret. Her favorite song is “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn” by the great Poison.
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.