Alice has been living a clean life since she was a child. Sure, she indulges in the occasional dessert (special occasions only!), or a periodic glass of wine (one glass of red wine per week!). But beyond dipping her toe into these decadent pleasure pools, Alice lives life on the straight and narrow. Bed by 9:30, rise no later than 7:15. Twenty minutes of exercise 5 out of 7 days of the week, no exceptions. Documentaries only, and TV off by 8:00. Protein and vegetables comprise 85% of Alice's diet. But recently Alice took a walk on the wild side due to a prolonged spate of insomnia, and boy is her mind blown!!! Alice, on the advice of a good friend whom she affectionately refers to as "so bad!" visited a CBD store in the strip mall over by Staples to buy some Delta 9. She never thought she'd be the kind of person rubbing elbows with nefarious, long-haired men or people with tattoos, yet here she was. The suggestive green CBD loomed large and bright above her as she hurried inside, unsure and panicked. The man behind the counter had four facial piercings and several tattoos but did not snarl at her or try to attack her sexually. She timidly informed him of what she sought, feeling shameful and thrillingly counter-culture at the same time. She left with a bottle of gummies (placed in the trunk in the hidden spare tire compartment just in case), which immediately worked wonders for her sleep. Here she sits a week later, having decided to double up on the dose to see what happens (she's heard rumors). WHOA. Never before has 60 Minutes been so hilarious!! Why does she feel like she's floating?? Why is her mouth dry?? Suddenly she realizes she knows what the color purple feels like. WHAT IS GOING ON??
Tabitha! Play us something on the banjo!" Oh, Tabitha would demure. She would play bashful, vehemently shake her head that this is not the time and place, but of course everybody in the room would insist and begin playfully chanting her name. She would reluctantly break out her banjo and begin to pick the strings deftly.
Birds are her life. While you were binge watching Below Deck Down Under she was comparing the migratory patterns of the artic tern to the western meadowlark.
Has Delilah double-booked?? She definitely did the first week of summer and they missed VBS. She'll check her calendar. She does know that her son has a sleepaway baseball camp in three weeks. Maybe that's when she and her daughter go to the lake...
