Meet Jade. She’s a stay at home mom who’s getting her certification to be a yoga instructor - and you’re going to hear all about it. Jade rocks those spandex pants around town looking like a 12 year old boy from the waist down. She has a never ending supply of Lulu sports bras with all manner of straps on the backs. She’s always drinking some kind of green juice and won’t shut up about gut health. Jade breastfed her kids until they were 5, and her claim to fame is that yes, she tried out that Goop jade egg. 😏 Although she struts her new age health, she buries herself in the pantry 3 nights a week with a pint of ice cream and eats the whole thing. Ice cream all over her face and in her hair. Of course her favorite song is Ice Ice Baby. -
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
