Rooney is constantly grooming herself which can seem very self-absorbed but then you look at her and she's so damn cute, and she just loves you so much you'll forgive her anything. Even the fact that she pukes...a lot. You've tried to explore whether or not she has a problem but you've basically just decided it's something you have to live with. Your husband also hates her, and basically refuses to acknowledge her but he'll never understand your bond. You love her in spite of the fact that she always wants to sit directly on your keyboard - how has it not broken yet? Or
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Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking Virginia Slims, and is vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be "tragic deaths" in order
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Meet Donatella. Her family owns the Gucci empire and she's not subtle about it. Well...by her "family" it's really a second cousin once-removed by marriage on her step-mother's side. And Donatella lives in Columbia. South Carolina. Also her real name is Emily but she insists Donatella is a family name. That does not stop her from establishing her questionable lineage in the most public and sensational ways possible, all over town!
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This is Jane Smith, currently in witness protection but formerly known as Elise L’Orange, the infamous high-end “Miami Madam”. Elise L’Orange was formerly known as Tammy White. Tammy lived in a small town in Tennessee. She left to attend The Art Institute in Miami because she always knew she was destined for a life in fashion. She was so good at putting together the sexiest outfits - cut off t-shirts and whale tails for dayzzzz. She befriended every gorgeous woman she could while at school to elevate her status. Through years of nightclub activity, Tammy met many seedy “businessmen” and eventually began making money connecting her friends with them. She became so successful at this she created a stage name more befitting the image she was cultivating - Elise L’Orange. She got size triple D implants, veneers, tattooed eyebrows and lip injections because that’s what success looks like. She also got a Yorkie to accessorize her look. Eventually Elise met Richard Perez, a diamond importer who had a Jaguar kitten in a gilded cage in his backyard - oooh a fancy animal lover! Richard knew that with Elise’s connections, she could help him to broker private diamond sales, off the grid. So they began a partnership that took Elise and her yorkie on multiple trips to Sierra Leone with Richard. This felt exotic and they began a passionate love affair, traveling in private planes, staying in the mansions of war lords, riding in bouncing jeeps through deep wilderness to attend clandestine meetings. Elise pretended not to know what was going on, but it was clear these diamonds were being purchased from men using the profits to fund horrific civil conflicts. These were blood diamonds. After two years, Elise was contacted by Homeland Security, and threatened with prison if she did not help them to ensnare Richard. Elise was torn but in the end agreed to wear recording devices and played a pivotal role in his conviction in exchange for amnesty. Elise became a target for many of his associates and was placed into witness protection as Jane Smith. She is now a cashier at a CVS in Little Rock and had to have her implants removed. She still puts together sexy outfits.
