Meet Kailey. She’s an entrepreneur pioneering one of the newest, most unique and lucrative fields in recent memory. She is a one-woman show who managed to bring in over $200K in salary last year. Is she an influencer? Nope. Fashion designer? Nah. Dominatrix? Not anymore! Kailey opens toys on YouTube. She has one of those channels featuring just her hands and her affected, child-like voice where she opens toys and surprise eggs. In five years’ time, she has built one of the most popular channels of its kind, taking in gobs of subscription and advertiser money. When you watch her channel with your 3-year-old, you’re struck by her soft, adolescent, grating voice which seems to entrance your child and indicates an impossible sweetness embedded into her very soul. Off-camera, Kailey consistently cuts people off in traffic, shooting THEM the bird. She leaves her grocery cart in the parking spot instead of putting it back in the cart return. She litters and has a stash of 200 N95 masks that she wouldn’t dream of donating to the hospital. And what does she do with all of those toys she opens on her videos? She throws them in the trash, despite having a niece and nephew because really she can’t stand kids. She thinks charities are just glorified companies and she kicked a cat last week. Hard.
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’