Kate

March 04, 2021

This is Kate. She is extremely passive aggressive, and life with her is a gigantic gaslight. Her lifelong best friend is in lifelong therapy, solely because of their dynamic. In your 20’s she was stung that you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, so at your lingerie shower she gave you a size large underwear (you had managed to diet your way into a small) and an A cup bra. She also has tried twice to give you clothes that are too big for her. Kate claims to be apolitical but shares mean-spirited memes and posts on social media with the caption ‘Too funny not to share!’ Her favorite line is “I was kidding! Geez!” She’ll be a great addition to your wardrobe for sure, but just be prepared for her to tell you your outfit looks “adorable - like a really fun leprechaun.”

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Courtney

December 16, 2024

As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.

Palmer

December 16, 2024

Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.

Molly

December 16, 2024

But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....