Lucinda

Lucinda

Meet Lucinda. She just finished watching Bridgerton on Netflix and now she has nothing else to live for. She’s binged it for the last 3 days and now Lucinda is hot and bothered, and despises modern life. Oh how she yearns for a nobleman who has gobs of money and estates, never seems to have to work and yet somehow knows how to hold his own in any fight. Is that too much to ask???  She’s even been speaking in a Madonna/Dorit hybrid British accent, and has been so demure that her husband keeps asking her what’s wrong. And now she wants tiny boobs but that ship has sailed. Her best friend is having to practically pin her down to prevent her from cutting bangs that end 3 inches above her eyebrows. Lucinda is already planning her trip to England for when this pandemic lets up. Her husband has certainly benefited from her Bridgerton viewing, if you know what I mean, and she’s been awfully animated during their lovemaking. Which has also prompted him to ask what’s wrong. Oh why can’t they have the passion of Daphne and Simon??? Oh well. A lady mustn’t allow impropriety to taint the marital union (did you hear the British accent?). She’ll have to wait for season 2!





Also in Purse Profiles

Rooney
Rooney

Rooney is constantly grooming herself which can seem very self-absorbed but then you look at her and she's so damn cute, and she just loves you so much you'll forgive her anything. Even the fact that she pukes...a lot. You've tried to explore whether or not she has a problem but you've basically just decided it's something you have to live with. Your husband also hates her, and basically refuses to acknowledge her but he'll never understand your bond. You love her in spite of the fact that she always wants to sit directly on your keyboard - how has it not broken yet? Or

Continue Reading

Abigail
Abigail

Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking Virginia Slims, and is vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be "tragic deaths" in order

Continue Reading

GUCCI EMPIRE
GUCCI EMPIRE

Meet Donatella. Her family owns the Gucci empire and she's not subtle about it. Well...by her "family" it's really a second cousin once-removed by marriage on her step-mother's side. And Donatella lives in Columbia. South Carolina. Also her real name is Emily but she insists Donatella is a family name. That does not stop her from establishing her questionable lineage in the most public and sensational ways possible, all over town! 

Continue Reading