Macy
Meet Macy. She has perfect vision. Some might even say “2020” vision (stay with me here...). This b*tch is out to ruin your life. First, she went on a trip over to China, where she posted endless selfies in front of exotic and beautiful places (including a bat sanctuary and a bio lab). She came back feeling and seeming totally fine, but did have a scratchy throat. So she asked for a sip of your drink at lunch, and next thing you know you’re on a ventilator. After your eventual recovery you discovered she had managed to make you lose your job and two weeks later she stood outside your house holding up signs with some of her friends, chanting mean things about you, and then they lit your house on fire. Now she has told all of your mutual friends that you’re a racist pedophile billionaire who eats babies and has invested in a vaccine scam so nobody will talk to you anymore. Since your house burned down you now have to quarantine with your parents, sleeping beneath the “Hang in There” kitten poster in their office (which used to be your bedroom) and you’re watching all eleven CSI versions on a nightly basis. Your mom won’t stop chatting about the results of her Facebook quizzes - what your shoe color says about your IQ! You’re pretty sure Macy’s the one who actually killed Kobe Bryant.
