Meet Marilyn, and I AM saying she’s a gold digger... Marilyn loves, loves all the sports teams in her city in a way that far surpasses her interest in any of the actual sports. She can be found at the employee entrance of many a sports arena, flirting with Burt, Clarence or Jim in an effort to gain access to the players-only areas. She succeeds 40% of the time. She has perfected her look to be sexy as well as cute in sports Jersey tops - not an easy feat. This requires very long hair, heavy makeup and enormous boobs. She picked up a few waitressing gigs at some medical conventions in town, but her experience has shown that those doctors don’t call back. Marilyn has gone several rounds of penicillin over the years, which cured her of her clap but not her Juicy Couture track suit phase. She’s a sucker for an obnoxious sports car, and swoons over Axe Body Spray. She can’t wait to have a giant stucco mansion one day with TONS of columns and two tiny dogs dyed pink. Just like a real housewife. Her favorite song is Material Girl. .
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
