Meet Marilyn, and I AM saying she’s a gold digger... Marilyn loves, loves all the sports teams in her city in a way that far surpasses her interest in any of the actual sports. She can be found at the employee entrance of many a sports arena, flirting with Burt, Clarence or Jim in an effort to gain access to the players-only areas. She succeeds 40% of the time. She has perfected her look to be sexy as well as cute in sports Jersey tops - not an easy feat. This requires very long hair, heavy makeup and enormous boobs. She picked up a few waitressing gigs at some medical conventions in town, but her experience has shown that those doctors don’t call back. Marilyn has gone several rounds of penicillin over the years, which cured her of her clap but not her Juicy Couture track suit phase. She’s a sucker for an obnoxious sports car, and swoons over Axe Body Spray. She can’t wait to have a giant stucco mansion one day with TONS of columns and two tiny dogs dyed pink. Just like a real housewife. Her favorite song is Material Girl. .
Tiff and Ham host various hunts each year at their country home, so they have five bird dogs used primarily for these occasions. Tiff makes a big show of adoring these dogs but secretly she hates them because they’re always sniffing her crotch while she tries to make pleasantries with their guests. What most people don’t know about Tiffany is that her birth name is Kiki Byrd and she is actually from a small town in W. Virginia where she worked as a cashier at Dairy Queen for several years...
Meet Mary. She’s had many odd hobbies over the years. There was the time that she spent four months enthusiastically geocaching with an online group. Or the time she tried to put together a Quiddich team after watching Harry Potter. Mary has tried soap carving and beekeeping, but her latest hobby has really raised some eyebrows. She recently took up taxidermy.
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....