Meet Marilyn, and I AM saying she’s a gold digger... Marilyn loves, loves all the sports teams in her city in a way that far surpasses her interest in any of the actual sports. She can be found at the employee entrance of many a sports arena, flirting with Burt, Clarence or Jim in an effort to gain access to the players-only areas. She succeeds 40% of the time. She has perfected her look to be sexy as well as cute in sports Jersey tops - not an easy feat. This requires very long hair, heavy makeup and enormous boobs. She picked up a few waitressing gigs at some medical conventions in town, but her experience has shown that those doctors don’t call back. Marilyn has gone several rounds of penicillin over the years, which cured her of her clap but not her Juicy Couture track suit phase. She’s a sucker for an obnoxious sports car, and swoons over Axe Body Spray. She can’t wait to have a giant stucco mansion one day with TONS of columns and two tiny dogs dyed pink. Just like a real housewife. Her favorite song is Material Girl. .
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
