Meet Harriett. She’s trying to bring some spice back into her marriage. Harriett has been married to Dan for 18 years and, well, they don’t really SEE each other much anymore. Dan has put on a good bit of weight in the middle. His tiny little butt has gotten pretty flabby, and his nighttime gas has become quite a deterrent. And Harriett has also let things go here and there. Most of her underwear is cotton and tattered. She wears that damn brown robe every second she’s not fully dressed, and her nighttime gas has become quite a deterrent. But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed. She thought some role play might be exciting so she thought through all of Dan’s turn-ons and interests. Golf? Nah. Football? No. Cigars? Too 90’s. Finally she settled on role playing as a wife who desperately wants her husband’s help and advice on how to save more money. And spend less. She’ll whisper “budget me” in a breathy voice into his ear. Then maybe she’ll offer to balance their checking account in a come-hither voice. Then finally, when he can take the sexual tension no longer, she’ll moan “Roth IRA”. KAPOW
