Meet Mrs. Claws. You’re much more acquainted with her husband, of course, with his miraculous trip to each child on earth every Christmas. His distribution of that perfect gift that was exactly what was requested - the delight contained in the stockings Christmas morning. Oh, isn’t he exalted! But what you may not know is that Mrs. Claws is the real power behind the man. Guess who spends all year caring for the elves? She arranged meals, ensures that bunks are kept tidy, tends to illnesses, oversees workroom cleanup efforts. Who do you think keeps tabs on naughty and nice behavior? Who do you think maintains the wish lists? Women are big on lists. Fat, bearded, jolly men…not so much. She’s so good at noting the casual mention of a wanted toy in June, sure to produce it come December. Each year, throughout the year, she scurries around keeping the entire North Pole crew on task, cleaning up mug after mug after mug of Santa’s cocoa. Pair after pair of his red thermal underwear just tossed haphazardly on the floor. Sometimes she longs for their college days when he was just Nick, the good time, slightly chubby linebacker type who could chug a beer in 30 seconds. Forty years later and that “ho ho ho” chuckle is on her nerves. But, she has an important role to play, keeping the ship tight. There are so many toys to be made and elves to be managed. She works diligently and, for her efforts, watches her husband receive all the glory. But she loves him, and is proud of what they’ve built together. And she’s excited for the Range Rover that she has the elves working on that will be Santa’s gift to her this Christmas. Her favorite song is “Santa Baby” of course. TAKE HER HOME!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
