Meet Tina. She gets triggered easily, but she means well. Lately she’s been trying to clean up her language - for the kids. She’s learning how unsatisfying “gosh” and “darn” are. “Rats” is just completely off the table, and she’s on the fence about whether or not it’s ok to say “crap”. Tina was an accomplished curse artist prior to this, so she’s having a bit of an identity crisis in her more heated moments. The other day she had to wait at the dentist’s office for an additional 45 minutes…for the third appointment in a row. She marched up to the receptionist to express her disappointment and heard herself saying this was “big time stinko.” Big time stinko. Who had she become? Was this the same woman who once called her husband’s work nemesis a cockwaffle at the 2018 company Christmas party? She has to come to terms with her new role and she will embrace it with terms like “What the fun!” and “Cheese and rice!”. Or maybe “Bootless half-witted flap dragon”. Maybe not. Her favorite song is “I Swear” by All-4-One. TAKE HER HOME!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
