Meet Tina. She gets triggered easily, but she means well. Lately she’s been trying to clean up her language - for the kids. She’s learning how unsatisfying “gosh” and “darn” are. “Rats” is just completely off the table, and she’s on the fence about whether or not it’s ok to say “crap”. Tina was an accomplished curse artist prior to this, so she’s having a bit of an identity crisis in her more heated moments. The other day she had to wait at the dentist’s office for an additional 45 minutes…for the third appointment in a row. She marched up to the receptionist to express her disappointment and heard herself saying this was “big time stinko.” Big time stinko. Who had she become? Was this the same woman who once called her husband’s work nemesis a cockwaffle at the 2018 company Christmas party? She has to come to terms with her new role and she will embrace it with terms like “What the fun!” and “Cheese and rice!”. Or maybe “Bootless half-witted flap dragon”. Maybe not. Her favorite song is “I Swear” by All-4-One. TAKE HER HOME!
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.
