Hi I’m Amy, and people say I’m a grump just because I’m not perky and basic like everybody else in this town. Excuse me if I hate having a fire in the fireplace because I don’t like paying a higher gas bill. Christmas is stressful and annoying. I think Ryan Gosling is overrated and I’m not buying Keanu Reeves’s good guy act. I swear if I have to listen to one more Whitney Houston song...I wish those children would stop giggling, I can’t hear myself think. Ice cream gives me gas. I wish that golden retriever would leave me alone, he stinks. Yeah the Caribbean is nice if you like skin cancer. Every time I go to the beach I just get sand in my privates. Romantic comedies are neither romantic nor funny. Sex takes too long. Geez does that sunshine have to be so bright??? Yes I see that hot guy checking me out but I’m sure he has mommy issues like the rest of them. Newborns have weird skin. Calm down it’s just a rainbow. Calm down it’s just a lunar eclipse. Calm down it’s just horses. No we can’t stop to pee you have to hold it.