Natalie retired from a brief stint as a Playboy Bunny five years ago when she met Alan "Sleeper" Stanton while serving him a cocktail. Alan was recognizable from his local commercials as the "Mattress King of Poughkeepsie" despite his total lack of charisma, or even vocal inflection, in all his years starring in his own commercials. Natalie sauntered up to his table in those iconic ears, cuffs and tail, took one look at his shiny complexion and unfortunate eyebrow mole, and knew this was the one. Sure she got a whiff of gum disease as he regaled her, in a sultry monotone voice, with a behind-the-scenes look at the sexy world of wholesale mattresses, but he owned TEN mattress stores! He drove a Cadillac SUV for crying out loud! They went out to dinner the very next night - there was truffle oil on the breadsticks (!!) - and then he took her back to his place. Travertine as far as the eye could see! An indoor fountain in the foyer! Stainless steel appliances throughout, for crying out loud! Natalie knew this was her ticket to the next level. She bid farewell to her fellow bunnies just 3 short months later, and married Alan in a quaint ceremony with 600 of their closest friends and family. There were swans, ornate thrones at the head table for the bride and groom, and even a six string quartet for crying out loud! It was a celebration fit for a queen...Mattress Queen of Poughkeepsie, that is. If you recognize Natalie, it's probably from the new commercials...
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
