Natalie retired from a brief stint as a Playboy Bunny five years ago when she met Alan "Sleeper" Stanton while serving him a cocktail. Alan was recognizable from his local commercials as the "Mattress King of Poughkeepsie" despite his total lack of charisma, or even vocal inflection, in all his years starring in his own commercials. Natalie sauntered up to his table in those iconic ears, cuffs and tail, took one look at his shiny complexion and unfortunate eyebrow mole, and knew this was the one. Sure she got a whiff of gum disease as he regaled her, in a sultry monotone voice, with a behind-the-scenes look at the sexy world of wholesale mattresses, but he owned TEN mattress stores! He drove a Cadillac SUV for crying out loud! They went out to dinner the very next night - there was truffle oil on the breadsticks (!!) - and then he took her back to his place. Travertine as far as the eye could see! An indoor fountain in the foyer! Stainless steel appliances throughout, for crying out loud! Natalie knew this was her ticket to the next level. She bid farewell to her fellow bunnies just 3 short months later, and married Alan in a quaint ceremony with 600 of their closest friends and family. There were swans, ornate thrones at the head table for the bride and groom, and even a six string quartet for crying out loud! It was a celebration fit for a queen...Mattress Queen of Poughkeepsie, that is. If you recognize Natalie, it's probably from the new commercials...
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.
