This is Shareen. Shareen is what you might call a “type A” personality. I will say that she looks polished and put together ALL the time. Because she is. Her daily schedule is planned down to the minute and she plans out her outfits at the beginning of each week. Shareen has the same breakfast each morning - a green smoothie and a hard boiled egg. She takes her coffee with exactly 1 tablespoon of cream and 1 sugar cube. She has a bowel movement at 7:43 each morning, followed by a thorough shower, of course. She insists that she could never skip washing her hair because it would be “a total grease pit!” but the reality is that she’s never even tried. Shareen is always cold, goes to bed by 9:30 each night, gets up an hour earlier than necessary to get a good start on her day, and cannot remember the last time she let her gas tank get below a quarter of a tank. Greasy food makes her feel “icky” and she has claimed to have an allergy to red dye 40. Once when she and her husband were getting frisky, he got carried away with the role play and swept everything off the table onto the floor. She tried to go along with it but she ended up pushing him off her and yelling “we do not live like animals, dammit!” before furiously cleaning up the mess. Shareen really wants to lighten up and even started allowing herself one glass of wine in social settings (once she had two and ended up admitting to an acquaintance that she has sexual fantasies about her UPS man). I will not say Shareen is going to give you a wild night, but she will help you get your shit together.
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
