This is Shareen. Shareen is what you might call a “type A” personality. I will say that she looks polished and put together ALL the time. Because she is. Her daily schedule is planned down to the minute and she plans out her outfits at the beginning of each week. Shareen has the same breakfast each morning - a green smoothie and a hard boiled egg. She takes her coffee with exactly 1 tablespoon of cream and 1 sugar cube. She has a bowel movement at 7:43 each morning, followed by a thorough shower, of course. She insists that she could never skip washing her hair because it would be “a total grease pit!” but the reality is that she’s never even tried. Shareen is always cold, goes to bed by 9:30 each night, gets up an hour earlier than necessary to get a good start on her day, and cannot remember the last time she let her gas tank get below a quarter of a tank. Greasy food makes her feel “icky” and she has claimed to have an allergy to red dye 40. Once when she and her husband were getting frisky, he got carried away with the role play and swept everything off the table onto the floor. She tried to go along with it but she ended up pushing him off her and yelling “we do not live like animals, dammit!” before furiously cleaning up the mess. Shareen really wants to lighten up and even started allowing herself one glass of wine in social settings (once she had two and ended up admitting to an acquaintance that she has sexual fantasies about her UPS man). I will not say Shareen is going to give you a wild night, but she will help you get your shit together.
But tonight Harriett is going to rev Dan’s engine! She started with an immensely painful wax this morning which was also quite demoralizing, as Harriett certainly lived up to her name. Tonight she’ll corner Dan after the kids are in bed.
Meet Dottie.She’s that person you know who is obsessed with the Olympics.She hosts an opening ceremony viewing party each year and commands an intense focus normally reserved for a lottery drawing or a breaking news announcement
Of course she will have a cellophane wrapped gift for each teacher containing a candle, lotion, chocolate covered almonds and a $25 target gift card to be hand-delivered by their children on the first day.Her back windshield will be covered with bubble letters written in shoe polish exclaiming ‘Back to School for Paxton and Claxton!’
