Meet Farrah. She divorced that sonofabitch Mike five years ago and is better off alone, thank you very much. Until, that is, she met Rick. Rick is from a medium sized town about 2 hours away but his family is what you might consider “small town royalty” there. Rick cannot possibly pick up and move his well-established life there, where he will inherit his father’s outdoor lifestyle manufacturing and distribution outfit. So, Farrah will move there and become the future First Lady of Fish and Wildlife Paradise. Her life will now be filled with camo, entire flocks of taxidermy ducks (gaggles? Schools?), hide rugs, framed antique fishing lures, and horned animals above every doorway. She will be haunted by a mother in law who thinks that Rick is the second coming, and will insist that all of their future children’s best attributes are inherited from Rick. She will also remind Farrah in a million different ways that she is the CURRENT First Lady of Fish and Wildlife Paradise. She emphasizes this through her unapologetic use of large gemstone jewelry and luxury-branded accessories. Farrah’s father in law and brothers in law are not comfortable making eye contact with her yet so she’ll have to see how that goes but that’s not a great sign. For now she’s focused on learning how to shoot the new lady rifle that Rick’s mother gave her for Christmas, and how to get pellets out of a pheasant. And how to butcher a pheasant. And cook a pheasant. Farrah’s new life will take some getting used to. Her favorite song is “Welcome to the Jungle”.
Meet Donna. Until two days ago she had been pretty satisfied with her house. She has nice taste and often receives compliments when people come to visit. She’s up on the latest decor trends and she loves spending money and time on little touches for her home (within reason).