Meet Kelly. She's your ride or die and you've known each other since you were kids. Once in high school you were both at a party together, talking to some boys. You tooted and everybody heard it. Kelly said "oops sorry, that was me" and claimed it. In college you were convinced that your boyfriend was cheating so Kelly accompanied you on two weeks of stalking to confirm your suspicions, then poured sugar in his gas tank. She always organizes your birthday parties. In fact, once she organized and hosted a huge party for you just because you'd been having a hard year and she wanted to celebrate you! Upset because your husband doesn't "notice you anymore"? She'll have you over to her back porch for wine on a Monday night and talk you through it. Did Natasha give you a weird look at the pool the other day? Kelly now hates Natasha. Have too much to drink at the girls night out and now you may have to throw up? Kelly's holding your hair before you even ask. You definitely want Kelly by your side!
Kate runs a thriving charity benefiting the homeless and somehow has time to be a doting mother to four children. And has her yoga certification. And no chin hairs....
This is the new Amy. This Amy would never have a gross refrigerator. She's not that kind of person. She's clean, organized and fresh. She feels sorry for the people with dirty fridge shelves and expired chicken stock boxes. She can't imagine having a 2 year old jar of pepperoncini peppers with mold on the inside of the lid. That's no way to live and Amy is glad she's the right kind of person. Yesterday Amy had two bags of clothes designated for Goodwill in her dining room corner. They'd been there for 2.5 months, eventually becoming invisible.
She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like – she “just doesn’t feel right about leaving the house“ if she’s not completely put together.