Meet Kelly. She's your ride or die and you've known each other since you were kids. Once in high school you were both at a party together, talking to some boys. You tooted and everybody heard it. Kelly said "oops sorry, that was me" and claimed it. In college you were convinced that your boyfriend was cheating so Kelly accompanied you on two weeks of stalking to confirm your suspicions, then poured sugar in his gas tank. She always organizes your birthday parties. In fact, once she organized and hosted a huge party for you just because you'd been having a hard year and she wanted to celebrate you! Upset because your husband doesn't "notice you anymore"? She'll have you over to her back porch for wine on a Monday night and talk you through it. Did Natasha give you a weird look at the pool the other day? Kelly now hates Natasha. Have too much to drink at the girls night out and now you may have to throw up? Kelly's holding your hair before you even ask. You definitely want Kelly by your side!
As Courtney was handed the rule pamphlet, she swore she saw the Da Vinci code. Symbols swirled around, English words became foreign and strange. She somehow now knows how to set up a VCR after reading them, but still does not quite understand how to win atMahjong.
Last week she ordered each of them one of those gadgets that shatters your car window in case of a full water immersion. She also ordered a wind up radio. You know, in case the power grid goes down. She changed the air filters in the house last month, and commented that Olive Garden is a heck of a deal if you get a family sized pan with a five dollar take-home add-on. She’s been cracking open a Bud heavy after yoga class lately, and finally decided to try out a MyPillow.
But here she sits, six years after her appointment with WIDK reporting on milk prices, beauty pageants, the occasional car theft, Alderman election scandals, and downtown green space clean up efforts. This stupid little town doesn’t deserve her. She’s meant for greatness, and she despises their perky greetings on the streets....
