Meet Cora. She teaches improv classes to middle schoolers. Cora sees past those braces, past the awkward hair that has yet to be tamed, past the budding acne to the THESPIAN within! She begins class with a tongue warm-up:”Peter Piper picked a pepper. Peter Piper picked a pepper.” The trick is to over-enunciate. Cora finds that she is the only person in the room performing this exercise correctly in each class.
...She throws away bags of white shredded cheese after exactly 5 days because you can’t see if there is white mold on it or not. No she does not want to taste your drink. She does kiss her husband and children on the lips, but it is obvious that she hesitates and stiffens. Keep it dry. The thought has crossed her mind, when walking around her neighborhood, that car tires drive over roadkill, then track God-knows-what from that all over the roads, and she then walks through the invisible filth.
Meet Ssstacey. She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, wreaking havoc anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like - she “just doesn’t feel right leaving the house” if she’s not completely put together.
...Her towels are monogrammed and she only carries logo handbags. She leaves her sunglasses on indoors, “forgetting” to take them off. Vicky gets a spray tan once a week and has a face full of Botox at age 31. She has graduated up to a size F bra, thank you Dennis. And she shows those puppies off every chance she gets!
Meet Katy. She just got back from a very fancy spa and the experience was…well…interesting. Katy waited with excited anticipation, naked beneath her robe, for the Spa’s signature 80-minute “treatment”. The first step was a hot spring soak, and as the therapist led Katy into the room that featured a drawn bubble bath, she closed the door behind her and instructed Katy to remove her robe. While she stands there watching. Katy is a bit taken aback but decides this is a spa experience and she’ll go with it.
Pebbles is a black, shiny shagreen clutch - and here's how that happened. Pebbles was on vacation in Clearwater and having the time of her life! First she and the girls went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Tampa - an electric blue hurricane in a collectible glass?? Yes please! They each bought new sunglasses and visors in the souvenir shops, played some putt putt at Smuggler's Cove Adventure Golf, and relaxed on the beach under the $25 umbrella they bought at Walmart that blew away with each gust of wind (you should have seen
Rooney is constantly grooming herself which can seem very self-absorbed but then you look at her and she's so damn cute, and she just loves you so much you'll forgive her anything. Even the fact that she pukes...a lot. You've tried to explore whether or not she has a problem but you've basically just decided it's something you have to live with. Your husband also hates her, and basically refuses to acknowledge her but he'll never understand your bond. You love her in spite of the fact that she always wants to sit directly on your keyboard - how has it not broken yet?
Abigail knew she had to step up her game. Now she will only listen to music on vinyl records, she has taken up smoking Virginia Slims, and is vegan, of course. Abigail wears thick-rimmed tortoise shell glasses that are not prescription and are totally unnecessary. She wore overalls last Tuesday. She is planning a pilgrimage next year to visit the childhood homes of dead Pulitzer Prize winning authors who have died what she considers to be "tragic deaths" in order
Meet Donatella. Her family owns the Gucci empire and she's not subtle about it. Well...by her "family" it's really a second cousin once-removed by marriage on her step-mother's side. And Donatella lives in Columbia. South Carolina. Also her real name is Emily but she insists Donatella is a family name. That does not stop her from establishing her questionable lineage in the most public and sensational ways possible, all over town!
Meet Ellen. She moved out to L.A. back when she was 20 (longer ago than she admits to in interviews). When she arrived she was starry-eyed and STD-free. She lived in some shabby apartment building with a bunch of other up-and-comers that you've now heard of. She took improv classes, she waited tables, she slept with bartenders and casting agents.
Meet Lauren. She’s a mom. Lauren has been there for her children every step of the way. There was that time her 2 year old got into his poopy diaper at quiet time and played in it for 30 minutes before he was discovered- poop was in every crevice in that room. Or how about the absolute agony she endured pushing her
