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Purse Profiles

Champagne and Chanel

I am so in love that I went ahead and made one! I’ll have more of these next month but I couldn’t help myself. It’s a boucle and really reminds me of a Chanel suit. I named her Jackie, and I can tell you that she loves to give off a stiff, cold vibe. She is reed thin, beautiful and so stylish you’d think she’s French.

Bravo!!!

Adele recently bragged that his grip during their lift got quite...exploratory. Tanya just loves the way he looks in those vests - SWOON! In one week they will debut this year’s Nutcracker at the Kenosha Community Theater

Annie the art student

Meet Annie. She’s an art student with a fetish for older men. She’s in grad school earning her MFA in soft sculpture. Ooooh... So Annie decided to do a semester in Italy, and among other artistic challenges, she decided that seducing poor Professor Tom was at the top of her list.

Banana Clips and Frosted Grape Lipstick

Meet Isabella. You don’t have to tell her she’s sexy, she already knows that. Isabella knows what men like, and that’s tight clothing, and big hair. Her rollerblading outfit: tight black high-rise jeans, pink sports bra, hair pulled half back in a banana clip. Frosted grape lipstick. BOOM. Curves for days!!!

OMG Ssstacey!

Meet Ssstacey. She slithers her way in and out of friend groups, creating drama anywhere she can. She told you last week how much she admires you for not caring what you look like - she just doesn’t feel right leaving the house if she’s not completely put together.

GINA

Meet Gina. She likes fast cars, bad boys and Looney Toons character tattoos. She has one of Tweety Bird giving you the finger on her left shoulder blade. You know those ridiculous tricked-out Dodge Chargers you occasionally see on the road with a racing stripe up the center, painted Nickelodeon slime green and

IRIS

Meet Iris. It’s 3:17 am and she can’t sleep...again.

Her inner dialogue: ‘Just going to relax and go right back to sleep. I’m not worried about this at all. I’m so relaxed. Shit did I remember to cancel my dentist appointment for tomorrow afternoon?? I wonder what time they open? Stop thinking, go back to sleep. *——————-* What should I make for lunches? Do we have any turkey?

Kate

This is Kate. She is extremely passive aggressive, and life with her is a gigantic gaslight. Her lifelong best friend is in lifelong therapy, solely because of their dynamic.

Margaret

Meet Margaret. Her 7 year old daughter plays rec soccer and Margaret IS NOT HAVING ANY OF THE OTHER TEAM’S SHIT. Do you hear me?? Little McKenna loves to get out on the field and just have fun running around with her friends.

Barbara

Barbara claims to support the middle class, but her plan would create a 534% increase in taxes. In 2016 she was seen rolling her eyes at an elderly person at the supermarket.

Mrs. Claws

Meet Mrs. Claws. You’re much more acquainted with her husband, of course, with his miraculous trip to each child on earth every Christmas. His distribution of that perfect gift that was exactly what was requested - the delight contained in the stockings Christmas morning. Oh, isn’t he exalted!! But what you may not know is that Mrs. Claws is the real power behind the man.

Ruth

Meet Ruth- she’s tiny but mighty. She’s intense, and somewhat quiet but may be one of the most intimidating women ever. Ruth grew up in a working class family but was brilliant, and ended up attending Cornell where she met her outgoing, gregarious husband - the first boy she’d ever dated who actually cared that she had a brain.

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